And Now For Something Completely Different
by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: Harry and Luna head to Gotham to visit her Uncle Alfred. Things don't go as anybody expects, least of all the supers of Gotham... HP/Batman crossover. AU.
1. Hi Uncle Alfred

**Title**: And Now For Something Completely Different

**Author:** TardisIsTheOnlyWaytoTravel

**Story Summary: **Harry and Luna head to Gotham to visit her Uncle Alfred. Things don't go as anybody expects, least of all the supers of Gotham... HP/Batman crossover. AU.

**Author notes:**

_Yeah, so I've got another Batman/HP crossover I haven't updated for a while... but that's completely different in style and plot._

_I'm not nearly as familiar with some aspects of the Batman universe as I should be... mostly I know some of the villains. So excuse me if I get anything a bit off. I've tried._

_Edited for eleven errors. Eleven! Blimey._

* * *

**AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT**

**CHAPTER ONE**

**HI UNCLE ALFRED**

* * *

Harry stood outside the airport with their bags, looking dubiously around at the Gotham skyline as he waited for his girlfriend to hail a taxi. He didn't know what he'd expected, exactly, but this wasn't it.

Gotham City, industrial centre, central office of Waynetech, and home to one of the world's more infamous superheroes.

It was sort of... grungy.

"Harry!"

He looked up to see Luna waving at him. Today she was wearing sparkly red shoes, a purple pinafore minidress with a black tshirt saying _'damn straight I'm good in bed – I can sleep for days' _thrown over the top, and the ladybird earrings Harry had given her for her last birthday. The shirt had been from him too, in return for a promise she'd never wear the _'I Shagged the Dark Lord Slayer'_ shirt ever again, unless she really wanted to. Harry figured that was the best deal he could get on that one.

He picked up their bags and loaded them into the car boot, before joining Luna in the back of the cab.

"Wayne Mansion, please," Luna said sunnily.

The cabbie gave her a doubtful look.

"It's not just anybody who's allowed in there, lady."

"We'll be right," Harry said.

"Besides, we can always break in," Luna added serenely.

Harry nodded seriously.

"That too."

The cabbie gave them another look, even more doubtful than before, but hey, it wasn't his problem. Shrugging, he rejoined the sluggish wall of traffic, reflecting that if two loons were arrested for breaking into Bruce Wayne's digs today, he'd know who they were.

**o0o o0o o0o**

Alfred paused at the kitchen threshold at the sight of Dick Grayson already in there, eating cereal.

"Master Dick," he said in mild surprise, "I was not aware you had spent the night."

Dick shrugged.

"I crashed in my old room. We were late getting back, so I thought I might as well."

Bruce entered the kitchen at that moment. He was in a suit, and he was scowling.

"Meeting, huh?" Dick asked.

_Pop!_

"Holy shit!" Dick stared wild-eyed at the guy now standing in the middle of the kitchen.

"Hi," the young man said. His accent was British. "I'm looking for a bloke named Alfred."

"Who are you and how did you get in here?" Bruce commanded calmly. The man turned to him. He was of about average height, with a slim build, messy black hair and green eyes. He was smirking slightly.

"Hi," he said cheerfully, ignoring the question. "I'm Harry. Alfred around?"

"And just who are you?" Alfred demanded.

"Uncle Alfred!" a female voice cried. They all turned to see a young blonde woman removing a silvery cloak, rippling into existence as she did so.

Bruce glanced at Alfred to see him looking as though he'd seen a ghost.

"Luna? Little Luna?" he croaked. "You look just like your mother. Why, last time I saw you you only came up to my waist!"

"You know these people?" Dick asked.

"I do indeed know this young lady, Master Dick," Alfred agreed. "She is my niece, Luna Lovegood. I confess however that this young man is a complete stranger to me."

"Harry Potter," the young man introduced himself.

"Oh my." Bruce had very rarely seen Alfred look flabbergasted before. "_The_ Harry Potter, I presume?"

"He's my boyfriend," Luna explained dreamily.

"That I am," Harry agreed. "On both counts."

"Alfred," Bruce was completely lost by now, "could you explain who these people are?"

"Sorry, sir. As I said, this is my niece Luna, and she is apparently dating Mr Potter. Mr Potter is something of a celebrity in Britain."

"He's also known as Lord Black, the Boy-Who-Lived, Witch Weekly's Most Eligible Bachelor for three years running, The Chosen One, the Dark Lord Slayer, and Oh-Fucking-Merlin-It's-_Him,_" Luna added helpfully.

"Wait a minute," Bruce's eyes narrowed, "Harry Potter, Lord Black as in the Harry Potter, Lord Black who more or less owns Black Enterprises and all its subsidiaries?"

Harry grinned unabashedly at him.

"You know, it's actually rather nice to be recognised for that and not the other thing," he said.

"What other thing?"

Harry waved a hand vaguely.

"Never mind that," Dick protested, "How'd he do the popping out of thin air thing?"

Harry and Luna grinned at Alfred.

He sighed.

"Master Bruce, you might like to sit down..."

* * *


	2. Wizards?

**Title**: And Now For Something Completely Different

**Author:** TardisIsTheOnlyWaytoTravel

**Story Summary: **Harry and Luna head to Gotham to visit her Uncle Alfred. Things don't go as anybody expects, least of all the supers of Gotham... HP/Batman crossover. AU.

**Author notes:**

_If anybody had any plot ideas, or anything they'd like to see, let me know in the reviews, coz I'm totally winging it on this one. I have no idea where it's going, except for amusing encounters with baddies nonplussed at Harry and Luna..._

_The chapters will get longer, I swear._

_

* * *

_

**AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT**

**CHAPTER TWO**

**WIZARDS?**

**

* * *

  
**

Alfred was right. He should have sat down. Bruce stared at him and at the two grinning young people who, according to Alfred, were wizards.

"Let me get this straight," Dick said, "your entire family were born with magic powers except for you, so instead of magic school you went to boarding school, became an actor, then started working as a butler for the Waynes."

"That is correct," Alfred said.

"While you're busy raising Bruce, there's a war going on back in Britain among the magic people, thanks to an evil Dark Lord, who somehow comes to an abrupt end when he tries to kill a one year old kid. Harry Potter."

Alfred nodded. Harry scowled slightly.

"Harry Potter becomes famous for surviving a spell that can't be survived and for the death of the Dark Lord, except that the Dark Lord's not really dead and he gets his body back when Potter's fourteen. There's another war, lots of bad things happen, Harry Potter defeats the Dark Lord and becomes even more famous, turns his attention to the company he inherited from his godfather, puts his best friend in charge and five years later is famous _and_ rich."

"More or less," Luna agreed. "I don't think Hermione ever imagined she'd be CEO of an international corporation at twenty-four, but she's very good at it."

"It was her idea to expand right into the non-magical world," Harry added proudly. "She's absolutely brilliant."

"There was an entire war going on and no one non-magical noticed?" Bruce spoke for the first time since Alfred had begun his explanation.

Harry's eyes darkened.

"It was covered up as much as possible. They came up with all kinds of explanations, from gang violence, to gas leaks and terrorist attacks, and anyone who had witnessed anything had their memories erased or altered by the Obliviator Squad. The wizarding world likes their secrecy."

"Harry ended it though," Luna said dreamily. "He and Ron and Hermione came up with entirely new tactics for dealing with Death Eaters, after reading a lot of muggle history books, and he's very skilled at fighting, you know. He's a hero, of course, but most people find him rather scary."

Harry scowled.

"I'm not scary."

Luna just stared at him.

"Well it's not my fault!" He protested. "What, they expected me to be able to defeat the baddest Dark Lord since the eighteenth century and his groupies without learning the kind of stuff that scares normal people?"

"They erased people's memories?" Bruce repeated, appalled.

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "I know. Some of it was necessary, though." His eyes were dark again. "There are some things it's best not to remember."

Bruce didn't think that he agreed with that, but the look in Harry's eyes stopped him from debating it with him. It was a look that said Harry had seen far too much death and darkness.

"Anyway," Harry's tone was light again as he looked between Bruce and Alfrdd enquiringly, "we were wondering if you had any ideas about a good place to stay?"

"Could we stay with you?" Luna added hopefully. "Please? I haven't seen Uncle Alfred since Mummy's funeral. We won't be much trouble."

For some reason Harry's eyebrow crept up at the last statement.

Bruce frowned, but Luna's big blue eyes were watching him appealingly, and although Alfred hadn't said a word he was giving Bruce a dignified but pointed look and dammit, Bruce _knew_ that if he said no then he'd be getting subtly reproachful looks and reminders of how Alfred had raised him since he was a boy.

Dick was smirking, clearly enjoying his dilemma.

"I'm sure we can spare a room," Bruce agreed in defeat. Luna's eyes lit up.

"Thank you, Mr Wayne." She turned to Alfred brightly. "How are you, Uncle Alfred? It's been years since I've seen you, you know. I would have visited, only Daddy was afraid I'd be attacked by pinkymunks. He only agreed to this trip because Harry promised solemnly to protect me to the death. Which room will Harry and I have? Is there..."

Alfred led Luna away, presumably to show her to a spare bedroom, but possibly simply to catch up. Bruce looked at Harry.

Harry was just standing there, grinning at him. So was Dick. It was annoying.

"I have a meeting to get to," Bruce told them both. "I trust you won't use this opportunity to get one up on the opposition." He looked at Harry.

Harry smiled back innocently. It wasn't reassuring at all.

"I wouldn't do that. I'm sure there's some kind of Saviour's Code against it. Or something. Although if you want to work on a collaboration at some point, while I'm here, I'd be interested."

Bruce raised an eyebrow. This was intriguing, but he was going to be late.

* * *

**Authors Note:**

_If you like this fic, please, please make suggestions! _

_Please?_


	3. The Batcave

**Title**: And Now For Something Completely Different

**Author:** TardisIsTheOnlyWaytoTravel

**Story Summary: **Harry and Luna head to Gotham to visit her Uncle Alfred. Things don't go as anybody expects, least of all the supers of Gotham... HP/Batman crossover. AU.

**Author notes:**

_Some thanks to _Meteoricshipyards_ for the way some of the ideas here were put in to place._

* * *

**AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT**

**CHAPTER THREE**

**THE BATCAVE**

* * *

When he checked Luna and her uncle were still catching up, and Harry didn't want to intrude (although he did enjoy the strange expression Alfred developed whenever Luna went off on one of her tales that were unintelligible to ordinary people) so he decided that rather than sit around, he would explore Gotham. There was a quiet pop as he Apparated to a spot in the city he'd seen earlier that day.

Suddenly Harry was standing on a dirty sidewalk, surrounded by traffic. A man sitting near the gutter gave him a weirded-out look and edged further back against the wall he was resting against.

"Sorry," Harry said, and started walking.

Despite the somewhat seedy atmosphere that he couldn't help noticing, Harry found rather liked Gotham. It was noisy and full of colorful people.

Harry was peering in a shop window when he heard strange, maniacal laughter in the distance, growing louder.

He could also hear sirens.

He turned around in time to see a red convertible scream past, a crazed laughing person in a harlequin suit at the wheel and a yelling redheaded woman in the passenger seat, followed by what had to be about half a dozen police cars.

Harry blinked.

Looked like life here was as interesting as at home.

-

Harry got back to the Wayne Mansion to find Luna sitting drinking tea in the kitchen by herself.

"Uncle Alfred had things to do," she said in greeting.

"I had a look around Gotham and saw two insane women being pursued by policemen," Harry returned. He paused, frowning. For some reason the yelling red-haired woman seemed to stir some memory deep in his subconscious…

Luna cocked her head at him.

"Shall we explore?" she asked dreamily.

Harry grinned back, and spoke the Potter-Lovegood motto that wizards and witches everywhere had learned to fear.

"Why not?"

Wayne Mansion was nice indeed, they discovered. Harry was impressed. He was thinking about asking Luna whether or not they should incorporate some of its designs into their own place, if they ever settled down, and turned to find that Luna was gone.

Harry just sighed and leaned against the wall, waiting. This had happened enough times in the past for him to know that Luna would be back presently.

Some ten minutes later part of the wall revolved and Luna popped out in front of him.

"What the –" Harry blinked in surprise. "Where did you go? Where did you just come from?"

Luna was beaming in excitement.

"Come and see," she told him, and grabbing him by the hand pressed a faint indentation in the wall, and pulled Harry through the revolving door that reappeared.

Harry found that they were standing in a dark passageway, faintly lit by a dim light set in the wall.

"_Lumos."_

He grinned at Luna. Her delight was contagious.

"Come, my lady." He offered his arm, and Luna linked her own with his.

The passage led after several turns to a spiralling staircase that Luna approved of, which in turn led down into an enormous and rather impressive chamber.

There were technical gadgets and gizmos and inscrutable machines everywhere. Harry had seen some high-tech stuff before, he owned Black Enterprises after all, but this was amazing. This was the kind of stuff that never made it to production because it wasn't cost-effective enough or wouldn't have enough buyers.

"Ooh!" Luna squealed, pointing. "It's the Batmobile!"

Harry glanced over to see a distinctive finned car sitting among a variety of other vehicles.

He looked at Luna.

Luna looked at Harry.

His mischievous look mirrored her own.

"Larceny and joyriding?" Harry suggested.

Luna smiled.

"I don't see why not."

It took a while to get past all the protections on the car, but with a few of Luna's odd charms, Harry's magical strength and their shared knowledge of technology, they were in the Batmobile.

**o0o o0o o0o**

Bruce was on his way to lunch at his favourite restaurant when the Batmobile drove past him.

"What the–" He stared in disbelief as his own, one-of-a-kind vehicle, safely left in the Batcave, sped down the street. "How–?"

As he watched the unique car barely managed to avoid a collision; its driver seemed to be confused about which side of the road they should be driving on. It weaved uncertainly down the street before joining the rest of the traffic on the correct side of the road, before putting on a sudden burst of speed and shooting off like a rocket and out of sight.

Bruce just kept staring.

**o0o o0o o0o**

"Merlin's bollocks!" Harry swore as Luna narrowly missed smashing into another car. "The other side Luna, _the other side! _This isn't Britain!"

"Stop yelling at me," Luna chided, pulling into the correct lane an instant before a semi-trailer barrelled down the patch of road they had just occupied. "I don't know why you're so tense, Harry. You do this sort of thing in Quidditch all the time."

"In _Quidditch!_" Harry insisted. "On a _broom!_ Not in hundred-kilometre-an-hour traffic heading _in the other direction!_" He was gonna die, he knew it. After all his amazing escapes from Dark Lords, and basilisks, and vampires, he was going to die in a traffic accident...

...in a Batmobile, admittedly, which set it apart from an ordinary traffic accident, but _still_.

He wanted to close his eyes but if he was going to die he wanted to know when it happened, so he kept his eyes open. It wasn't so much the speed and the traffic that scared him, but more Luna's apparent complete obliviousness to any kind of road rules or oncoming cars.

Somehow, though, Luna miraculously avoided every potential collision.

Harry's eyes widened in sudden suspicion.

"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you," he said accusingly.

He saw the little, faraway smile and groaned.

"Don't _do _that to me, Luna."

Luna smiled serenely, then looked in mild surprise at a button she hadn't noticed before.

It was red. And bigger than the others.

"What do you suppose this button does?"

Harry sighed in resignation and hit the big red button.

Luna shrieked at the sudden acceleration as everything outside the car blurred with speed.

* * *

* * *


	4. Cordial Relations

**Title**: And Now For Something Completely Different

**Author:** TardisIsTheOnlyWaytoTravel

**Story Summary: **Harry and Luna head to Gotham to visit her Uncle Alfred. Things don't go as anybody expects, least of all the supers of Gotham... HP/Batman crossover. AU.

**Author notes:**

_I don't have a particular Batman universe in mind for this. I'm just drawing from general knowledge. So everyone stop asking._

* * *

**AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**CORDIAL RELATIONS**

* * *

A moment later the Batmobile crashed into something, flinging both Harry and Luna violently forward in their seatbelts, making their necks crack.

"_Episkey_," Harry groaned, rubbing his neck gingerly as the healing spell did its magic, and casting the same spell on Luna.

Looking out through the windshield, Harry was only mildly surprised to find that they'd crashed into the two loons he'd seen earlier. They were driving a different car, and seemed to have lost the string of pursuing police cars.

The woman in the harlequin suit banged on the tinted windows.

"You bashed our car!" she yelled, kicking Harry's door while the pale green redhead lurched out of the crumpled car, holding a hand to her head.

"Oh dear," Luna observed, staring at the totalled sports car. "I don't think they'll be driving that again."

The redhead's dazed expression had turned to an angry one. Again Harry felt that frisson of déjà vu.

"Dammit Batman, get out here!" she yelled.

And suddenly Harry had it.

He opened the door and stuck his head out.

"Sorry about your car," he said. "And I'm not Batman. You don't happen to be related to anyone named Evans, do you?"

The astounded looks on their faces were mildly amusing. Harry wondered why it was the yelling that exaggerated the red-haired woman's resemblance to his mother so much.

Then again, she'd had to live with his Dad and Sirius, so maybe there was a good reason…

"Who the hell are you?" the redhead demanded.

"We stole the Batmobile," Luna explained serenely, sticking her head out next to Harry's. She blinked vague eyes at the woman. "You look awfully like Harry's mother. She was an Evans, you know."

"You really stole the Batmobile?" the harlequin woman was impressed, anger seemingly forgotten.

"Harl!" The redhead reminded her angrily. "They wrecked our car!"

'Harl' shrugged.

"We've done that loads of times," she pointed out. "What's it matter if someone else does it? Come on, Red, they filched the _Batmobile!_"

'Red' grumbled something about hyperactive attention spans while the other woman peered into the Batmobile.

"Who are you people, anyway?"

"Luna Lovegood and Harry Potter," Luna introduced, watching the harlequin woman with interest. "Who are you?"

"I'm Harley Quinn, and this here's Poison Ivy." An evil grin split Harley's face. "Mind if I take this thing out for a spin?"

"I'd prefer not," Harry replied apologetically. "Technically we only borrowed it without permission, which implies we'll give it back in its original condition, and so on. Maybe some other time."

"Aww." Harley deflated, pouting like a small child.

"Anyway," Harry returned his attention to Poison Ivy, "like Luna said, you look awfully like my mother, Lily Evans. I don't suppose you happen to be related?"

Ivy eyed him speculatively.

"My grandmother's name was Evans," she admitted. "She married my grandfather when he was stationed in Britain during the second world war, but they moved back here afterwards." She trailed a finger down the side of Harry's face, leaning in close. "You've certainly got the family eyes…"

And Ivy suddenly kissed him.

-

Harry blinked in surprise, and gently but firmly pushed her away.

"Even if I wasn't with Luna," he informed Ivy, "we're some kind of cousins, and I'm not that kind of pureblood."

Ivy looked gobsmacked at the rejection. Harley went off into peals of laughter at the expression on her face.

"Speaking from a strictly technical definition, you're not a pureblood at all," Luna told Harry. "Your maternal grandparents were muggles."

"True, but I'm the entitled head of an old and powerful pureblood family," Harry pointed out, "which makes me nominally a pureblood."

Luna nodded in comprehension of his logic.

"That makes sense. Someone as powerful, wealthy and influential as you couldn't possibly be regarded as non-pureblood. That would be embarrassing."

"That's why I make sure to mention that my mother was muggle-born in casual conversation as often as possible when I'm dealing with that inbred lot," Harry agreed. "I love the way they squirm in denial."

"How did you do that?" Ivy had apparently recovered from her shock, although Harley was still giggling.

Harry turned to regard her.

"Do what?"

"Resist!" Ivy spluttered. "The chemical combination I hit you with should have you completely under my control!"

"Ah," Harry interrupted, "I see. You tried to drug me." He gave her a smile. It looked pleasant, but Ivy was suddenly aware that it had an edge like a knife.

Harley had stopped laughing. She'd seen smiles like that as well. To the two villains, the mild-mannered man suddenly seemed quite dangerous.

"Let's just say," Harry said, still pleasantly, "that I'm immune to most forms of mind control. It was delightful meeting you, but Luna and I need to be on our way."

He fished out a business card and handed it to Ivy, who took it warily, nodded to Harley, and climbed back into the Batmobile.

A moment later the car took off.

"Sometimes," Luna observed, "you remind me of a panther."

Harry looked dumbfounded.

-

END CHAPTER

* * *

**Author Note:**

_Thanks _thapagan_ for the suggestion that Harry meet the two lunatics driving around in the car earlier…_


	5. After the War

**Title**: And Now For Something Completely Different

**Author:** TardisIsTheOnlyWaytoTravel

**Story Summary: **Harry and Luna head to Gotham to visit her Uncle Alfred. Things don't go as anybody expects, least of all the supers of Gotham... HP/Batman crossover. AU.

**Author notes:**

_The last two chapters, and this one, owe some influence to _nonjon_. I spent a week re-reading the "_Where in the World_" trilogy, and some things just stuck._

_Also, is there anyone out there with some skill in drawing who would like to draw Harry, and Luna in her 'I shagged the Dark Lord Slayer' shirt? Because I just don't have the skill, and it would make an awesome pic._

_Also, details of Bruce Wayne's fortune, etc, can be found on _Forbes Fictional 15 _list, at_

http:// www . /2008/12/18/fictional-15-richest-characters-oped-fictional1508_cx_mn_de_1218fict15_

_(remove all the spaces)_

* * *

**AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

**AFTER THE WAR**

* * *

When Harry activated the hidden gateway in the side of the hill and Luna drove the Batmobile back into the secret chamber, it was to find a disapproving Alfred and a very unhappy Bruce Wayne waiting for them.

Luna bounced out of the car.

"You found the secret passageway too!" she exclaimed.

The displeased look fell off Bruce's face to be replaced with confusion.

"What…?"

Harry inwardly applauded Luna's strategy. He didn't mind openly admitting that they'd stolen the Batmobile, but this worked too, and it would be much more amusing.

"Yeah," he explained, "Luna found a secret corridor – still not sure how you did that actually – and it leads to this place! As far as we could tell," he mused, rubbing his chin and looking around thoughtfully, "the vigilante Batman seems to have built a secret workshop under your mansion. Ingenious idea, but not very fair on you really, is it?"

Alfred looked at Bruce.

"Sir?" His manner discreetly suggested that Bruce should field this one.

Bruce cleared his throat, still off-balance from the strange turn the conversation had taken.

"I'm Batman."

Luna looked at him in wide-eyed interest. Harry stared.

"You're Batman."

"I am."

"So… you spend your spare time fighting crime dressed as an oversized bat?" Harry clarified.

It did sound rather embarrassing put like that, Bruce had to admit. He decided that there was no good way to answer that question, and asked one of his own instead.

"Why did you steal the Batmobile?" he growled.

"Because it was there?" Luna suggested.

"You see," Harry explained confidentially, "after the war, I was haunted and depressed, with a thousand responsibilities on my shoulders. It wasn't enough that I'd killed Voldemort; everyone expected me to single-handedly restore the Ministry to order and hunt down all the remaining Death Eaters and basically right every problem in our world. It was too much, and I had a nervous breakdown."

"We found him hiding in a closet rocking back and forth and screaming about his uncle," Luna said soberly.

"While I was recovering in St Mungo's Luna came to visit me a lot. I'd been under too much stress for too long. I needed to have some fun, not take things too seriously, act a bit irresponsibly after all the pressure that had been on me since I was a kid. So Luna and I decided that if an interesting opportunity arose, I was to ask myself, 'why not? Is it fairly harmless? Will it make me happier?' And if the answers were 'yes', then I would plunge in and take part. And so, when we saw the Batmobile, sitting there, alone, unprotected –"

"We asked, why not?" Luna finished. She smiled at Bruce. "We brought it back and it's perfectly fine, even though we crashed into someone's car."

"You _what?_"

Harry winced.

"The Batmobile was fine, although the other car was a bit… smashed."

"But it turned out to have Harry's cousin in it, so that was okay," Luna assured him.

Bruce was getting swamped in irrelevancies and madness. He decide to cut back to the important point.

"Do not," he growled, waggling a finger at Luna and then at Harry for emphasis, "_ever_ take any of my equipment out ever again. Ever."

"Okay," Luna agreed sunnily. "Come on, Harry, let's go explore the tunnels."

"Sure," Harry agreed. "Bye Bruce, Alfred." He followed his girlfriend.

Bruce stared at Alfred, who looked back at him impassively. He was fairly certain that the butler had been smiling a minute ago, but when he checkedAlfred just looked inscrutable.

"Alfred, are your niece and her boyfriend legally insane?"

"I really couldn't say, sir," was Alfred's careful reply.

**o0o o0o o0o**

The next couple of days went more or less peacefully, with Bruce and Alfred acclimatizing somewhat to their strange houseguests. Dick dropped by once out of curiosity, and was incredibly amused by their antics.

Then one morning the doorbell rang and Alfred answered the door.

A green-eyed redhead and a perky blonde gave him matching captivating smiles.

"Hi!" Harleen Quinzel smiled winningly, "we're here to see Harry Potter?"

"Harley?" Harry wandered out of a hallway. "Ivy," he greeted his relative, "Harley, it's great to see you again. Do come in."

Alfred watched helplessly as two of the more infamous villains of Gotham followed the wizard into Batman's house.

"Oh, dear."

He decided that Bruce needed to know of this.

-

Harry showed the two into the kitchen and offered them a cup of tea.

"What can I do for you?" he asked curiously, putting the kettle on to boil.

Ivy cleared her throat.

"I want to apologise for the other day, I don't think I made a very good impression. I was hoping that we could start over." She put a heavy photo album on the table. "This was my mother's photo album." She opened it to the first page where a sprawling family tree had been carefully inked out. "I thought you might like to have a look at it."

With the tea poured and distributed, Harry examined the pages in interest.

"This is my grandmother, Helen Evans. As you can see, she had two siblings; a sister Margaret, who went on to marry a Davy Wynne, and a brother, Michael Evans, who married Rose Saxon. They went on to have three children, a stillborn girl they named Violet, and two other daughters, Petunia and Lily."

"So you're my mother's cousin," Harry observed. He flicked through the album. At first there were several black-and-white photographs of a young woman with curly hair and smiling eyes, then several of the same woman older and in a wedding dress with a handsome young man in uniform.

He flipped through, looking intently at each picture, as a tiny green-eyed blonde girl grew older and eventually, got married herself and became an Isley.

He raised an eyebrow at a photo of a young Ivy sitting naked in the bath.

"Aww," Harley cooed, looking over his shoulder, "you made a cute kid, Red."

She shrank back slightly at the look she got from Ivy.

Harry closed the album.

"I really appreciate your coming over to show me these," he said honestly. "The only family I ever had didn't like me very much, so…"

"It was no problem!" Harley chirped. "Ivy was real curious about you, so she wanted an excuse to drop over."

Harley wilted at Ivy's death-glare.

Ivy looked at Harry.

"Um…"

"Don't worry about it," Harry grinned. "I was curious about you, too."

"It's not every day you find out your cousin's son is some kind of billionaire lord," Ivy explained.

At this point Bruce stuck his head in. He stared at the two women sitting in his kitchen, looking through a photo album.

"Harry, why are these people in my house?"

"Hey Bruce," Harry greeted him. "This is my mother's cousin Ivy, and her friend Harley."

Harley gave a little wave.

"Hi Mr Wayne!"

-

END CHAPTER

* * *


	6. The Sum Of Our Memories

**Title**: And Now For Something Completely Different

**Author:** TardisIsTheOnlyWaytoTravel

**Story Summary: **Harry and Luna head to Gotham to visit her Uncle Alfred. Things don't go as anybody expects, least of all the supers of Gotham... HP/Batman crossover. AU.

**Author notes:**

_So, this one gets a bit dark, but don't worry, it's back to the usual madness and comedy next chapter._

Chipmunki_ has done me a little Harry & Luna skoodle, which they inform me is a cross between sketching and doodling. Good to know. Check it out at_

chipmunki. deviantart. com /art/I-Shagged-The-DarkLord-Slayer-126970978 _(without spaces)_

_If anyone else wants to draw me a pic, just send me the URL for it._

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**AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT**

**CHAPTER SIX**

**THE SUM OF OUR MEMORIES**

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Bruce did not look pleased.

"I see. Harry, can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Sure," Harry agreed, following Bruce into another room.

"Are you aware that those two women are infamous criminals?" Bruce asked sternly.

"Really?" Harry scratched his head. "Huh."

"I want them out of my house."

Harry gave Bruce a tolerant, faintly amused look.

"They're not planning anything nefarious," he pointed out.

"I don't care," Bruce ordered.

Harry shrugged.

"Alright, I'll finish things up as quickly as possible. But I'm not being rude about it."

He wandered back into the kitchen.

"Is there a problem?" Ivy inquired.

Harry waved the question away.

"Nah, Bruce is just a bit grumpy about me bringing people into his house. It's nothing, really."

Harley frowned.

"Gosh, he always seemed like such a playboy, but he looked real cross, didn't he?"

Harry grinned.

"He's a little territorial," Luna answered. She was going through the photo album. "He subconsciously feels that Harry is undermining his autocracy but isn't sure how to act about it because Harry is not only an equal and a professional rival, but also dating me, the niece of the man who is the closest thing he has to a father."

The two women goggled at Luna while Harry snorted.

"Harry knows, of course, but he doesn't let people realise exactly how intelligent he really is."

"Hermione worked it out in sixth year," Harry remarked. "She hit me. Before that it was really only Albus who'd clued in." He shook his head. "I had the strangest relationship with that man."

"You did," Luna agreed.

"You both seem to be pretty good at reading people," Ivy said slowly.

"Unusually so." Harley was watching the two intently, her perky demeanour subsiding a little for once. "The two of you come from a difficult background, don't you?"

Harry gave a small smile that didn't touch his eyes. They looked grave.

"You could say that. Growing up wasn't easy for either of us, for different reasons." He looked at Ivy. "So, I don't suppose you're free for lunch later this week? I'd like to get to know you a bit better, but without treading on Bruce's toes."

"That would be great," Ivy agreed.

**o0o o0o o0o**

After the two supervillains left, Bruce walked back into the kitchen and sat down next to Harry.

Harry raised a mildly curious eyebrow.

"When we had that discussion of the wizarding world, you briefly mentioned the erasing and altering of memories," Bruce stated.

"Ah." Harry shifted to get comfortable for what he was sure was going to be a moderately long conversation. "I thought you'd bring that up again."

"Nothing can excuse such an act," Bruce insisted. "No matter what the reason."

"Generally speaking, I agree with you." Harry looked straight into Bruce's eyes. Bruce was struck by the fact that Harry's own eyes looked suddenly old, and haunted.

"But the things they made people forget during the war... imagine being forced to rape members of your family. To murder those you loved. To see the bodies of those you care about resurrected, mindlessly, and employed against you. To see the most twisted, sick things the human imagination can come up with made a reality. Magic can do practically anything, within limits; imagine what could be done with it by a truly malevolent, monstrous being. To remember those kind of actions? To be tormented by them for the rest of your life, knowing that at any time some psychopath could do the same again and you would be powerless against them… It's a living hell that would drive most mad."

Harry's eyes were glowing pits of green, sickly and bright and full of entropy. Bruce stared into them in horror, unable to look away.

Then Harry snapped his eyes shut and tilted his head back in the same motion, putting his hand to his forehead as though to sweep his hair back, but left the hand in place.

For a moment he stood rigidly still, frozen, and Bruce didn't dare say a word, or move.

Then Harry's hand dropped and his eyes flickered open, back to emerald green.

Bruce nearly collapsed at the wave of relief that rushed through him. He was used to dealing with strange and dangerous situations, but this one had felt so unearthly, and every instinct had been telling him he was in big trouble.

"You saw it, didn't you?" Bruce asked quietly.

Harry laughed bitterly, his usual light-heartedness compacted into something harder.

"I saw most of it. Had a connection to the big bad Dark Lord in my mind, you see. When I slept, I saw everything he did." He closed his eyes. "As though I did it."

The last had been a near-whisper, but Bruce heard it clearly all the same.

He wasn't sure what to say, or what to think. He didn't think playing around with someone's memory was right under any circumstances – but the situations Harry had described were horrific.

"I'm sorry."

Harry looked at him, smiling faintly, with eyes that had gentled.

"Yeah, well, it's all past now, isn't it?"

He stood.

"Well, I'm going to see if Luna wants to go shopping," he said cheerfully. "See you later."

Bruce sat by himself in the empty kitchen, and wondered, not for the first time, if Harry was completely nuts.

-

END CHAPTER

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